Steven Covey is a highly acclaimed author of the number-one best seller, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (which has sold more than ten million copies). In a review by Peg Melnik of his more recent book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, he shows how to apply these proven principles to build a strong, close family.
Habit #1: “Be Proactive”
If you tend to snap, holler and criticize, you probably have a malfunctioning “pause button.” Covey says a “pause button” allows you to avoid blaming others or playing the victim by holding your response. The idea is to calm down and base your reaction on your values rather than on your moods. (See James 1:19)
Habit #2: “Begin With The End”
Covey encourages families to create a mission statement. He says a family mission statement can be a word, a phrase, a symbol. The idea is to get the entire family working on this project. (See Joshua 24:15)
Habit #3: “Put First Things First”
In a world where the average kid spends more than 5 hours a day watching TV and 5 minutes daily with Dad, our priorities seem skewed. Covey says people should be driven by purpose rather than the agendas and forces hounding them. He suggests planning weekly family times and one-on-one bonding times. (See Matthew 6:33)
Habit #4: “Think Win-Win”
In the win-win mind-set, people opt for “we” instead of “I.” The goal is to cooperate and seek solutions so both parties can walk away winners. If you come to the table thinking only one person can win (win-lose), there won’t be an effort to cooperate or problem solve. By the same token, if you come to the table expecting to lose (lose-win), you play the martyr and resentment builds. The principle of the win-win mind-set is this: “What is important to another person must be as important as the other person is to you.” (See Philippians 2:3,4)
Habit #5: “Seek First To Understand … Then To Be Understood”
This habit requires a lot of self-control, particularly for harried people, because it’s hard to slow down long enough to consider another person’s perspective. (See Proverbs 6:20-23)
Habit #6: “Synergize”
As Covey says, “Synergy is not just teamwork or cooperation. Synergy is creative teamwork, creative cooperation. Something new is created that was not there before. Synergy comes from a win-win mind-set and seeking first to understand and then be understood. With synergy, differences are celebrated. You must be able to say sincerely, ‘The fact that we see things differently is a strength–not a weakness–in our relationship.'” (See 1 Corinthians 12:12-26)
Habit #7: “Family Renewal”
Like a garden, the family needs to be well tended. Covey says family dinners are important family traditions, as are family vacations and holidays. Spending time together will renew the spirit of family and keep it from growing apart. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Think through these habits and study the Scriptures. There are principles here to help us become the strong families God desires us to be.
Pastor Mark
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